Post by BlackMage5072 on Jun 20, 2011 3:12:51 GMT
This pay per view is over. Thank fucking god, because the ONLY ppv worse than this was Victory Road 2011. I think I'd still rather watch that though, because at least I can laugh at how fucking bad it was. This was just TERRIBLE. Let's break it down:
1.) Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler, US Championship Match: This match was all right. Nothing too spectacular, but this match was slow paced considering who was in it. Also, the finish was REALLY fucked up. It just didn't look very well executed. Dolph Ziggler walks away with the United States Championship, but really, nothing special about this match at all. 2/5.
2.) The Miz vs. Alex Riley: Man this match sucked. This was horrible. The build up was great, and everything, but let's get one thing clear: The Miz has had THE WORST superstar push in the last ten years. He can't beat Lawler by himself, he can't beat ANYONE by himself, and now, he can't beat Alex Riley at all. Riley got THE SHIT kicked out of him, and wins with very little offense. Terrible storytelling, and terrible ending two. That's two in a row, guys. 1.5/5.
3.) Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show: This was a MAJOR letdown. Multiple reasons. Alberto's intro sucked without Ricardo Rodriguez. Then, Big Show comes out to kick Del Rio's ass during the intro. Cool, I like where this is going. Then Mark Henry comes out to ruin fucking everything. The referee almost counts Big Show out even though THE MATCH HASN'T STARTED YET and Show gets back into the ring at like, seven or something. The rest of the match, if you even want to call it that, sucked ass. Big Show loses due to referee stoppage, and if they were JUST going to do that, they shouldn't have wasted our time with this match. This makes everyone look fucking bad. 1/5.
4.) Wade Barrett vs. Ezekiel Jackson, Intercontinental Title Match: This match was just fucking horrible. These two have had shit matches throughout their entire series, so why continue to book it? Seriously, this was the slowest match I'd seen to date, and 'Zeke walks out with the IC Title that no one fucking cares about anymore. To quote the Scout from Team Fortress 2: "You. Are. TERRIBLE." 0.5/5.
5.) CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio: FINALLY, something fucking good. CM Punk cuts a pretty good promo, but sadly, during Rey's AND Punk's intros, NO ONE MAKES A SOUND. Really? It's Rey Rey, even the KIDS get up on their feet for him. Nope, not here. However, thankfully, this is the best match of the night, these two ALWAYS have a great match. STILL not as good as their WM26 match or the rest of the matches in THAT series, but still very good. Punk wins with a 619 counter that I actually was NEVER expecting to see into the GTS. Lots of times in this match where I thought Punk would lose, this was a VERY well delivered match. 3/5.
6.) Randy Orton vs. Christian, World Heavyweight Championship Match: This match was sloooooooow. Now, I don't know if that's because Orton was being legitimately careful, and if he was, who can blame him? Fucker's got a concussion. But also, the match has been overdone already, the people don't care, and ALL of Christian's momentum is now gone. Very slow paced match, but at LEAST the two men were wrestling, but still... it just didn't come off good at all. Randy Orton wins, AGAIN... but Christian's foot is under the rope. They're gonna DRAG this feud on, and the payoff will NOT be worth them taking the title off of Christian. So all those people that said "Oh stop bashing WWE and Orton for taking the title off of Christian, it's gonna lead to something better..." You can go fuck yourselves. This is utter shit. 1.5/5.
7.) Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne: Bonus match! Unfortunately, no one cared, and sadly... after the REST of this shitty pay per view, neither did I. Decent match, I guess. 1.5/5.
8.) John Cena vs. R-Truth, WWE Championship Match: This was THE SLOWEST MATCH I'VE EVER WITNESSED. Seriously, this was slower than a match between Andre the Giant and Big John Studd. This was slower than Hercules vs. The Ultimate Warrior. THIS WAS SLOWER THAN WADE BARRETT VS. EZEKIEL JACKSON! NO ONE cared about this match, R-Truth is just swept under the fucking carpet, John Cena wins with SIX moves instead of five this time, and the ending is the worst part of this fucking match. Cena gets the DOG SHIT kicked out of him, man. He's fuckin' DONE. Truth then goes out and grabs a "Little Jimmy"'s hat and drink. He drinks the water and hands it back to the "Little Jimmy", who then throws the water in his face. Cena then revitalizes because it's fucking Super-Water I guess, then hits the F-U for the 1-2-3. STUPID ending, TERRIBLE booking, SLOW-AS-FUCK match, just utterly fucking terrible. This has GOT to be the worst match I've seen this year. THIS IS WORSE THAN STING VS. JEFF HARDY. 0/5!
Overall: 3/10. The ONLY REASON this show gets on my radar is because of the US Title match, and because of Punk and Mysterio. WWE, you REALLY fuckin' bombed Washington DC on this one. Joke completely intended. This is the 2nd worst ppv of the entire year, only Victory Road 2011 was worse. It seems that all the "patriotic" pay per views since The Great American Bash died off have just fucking sucked. Seriously. This is just a fucking horrible pay per view on so many levels, and I'm GLAD that I didn't pay for it. I'm a HARDCORE wrestling fan, and have been watching WWE for 22 years, and I SERIOUSLY WANT MY FUCKING TIME BACK. I could've been doing ANYTHING, but I chose to waste my fucking time with this terrible, dog shit filled, BELOW lackluster, CZW-level show of disastrously low proportions. WWE, you fail. You fail BIG TIME. Slammiversary was FIVE-STAR SHOW COMPARED TO CAPITOL PUNISHMENT! WATCHING THIS PAY PER VIEW SHOULD BE A FORM OF CAPITAL PUNISHMENT, MOTHERFUCKERS! I AM OUT.
Best Match: CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
Worst Match: Pick one. I picked the WWE Title match, but ALL of them sucked.
Loudest sound: None. Seriously.
Quietest moment: The three hours this pay per view lasted.
1.) Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler, US Championship Match: This match was all right. Nothing too spectacular, but this match was slow paced considering who was in it. Also, the finish was REALLY fucked up. It just didn't look very well executed. Dolph Ziggler walks away with the United States Championship, but really, nothing special about this match at all. 2/5.
2.) The Miz vs. Alex Riley: Man this match sucked. This was horrible. The build up was great, and everything, but let's get one thing clear: The Miz has had THE WORST superstar push in the last ten years. He can't beat Lawler by himself, he can't beat ANYONE by himself, and now, he can't beat Alex Riley at all. Riley got THE SHIT kicked out of him, and wins with very little offense. Terrible storytelling, and terrible ending two. That's two in a row, guys. 1.5/5.
3.) Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show: This was a MAJOR letdown. Multiple reasons. Alberto's intro sucked without Ricardo Rodriguez. Then, Big Show comes out to kick Del Rio's ass during the intro. Cool, I like where this is going. Then Mark Henry comes out to ruin fucking everything. The referee almost counts Big Show out even though THE MATCH HASN'T STARTED YET and Show gets back into the ring at like, seven or something. The rest of the match, if you even want to call it that, sucked ass. Big Show loses due to referee stoppage, and if they were JUST going to do that, they shouldn't have wasted our time with this match. This makes everyone look fucking bad. 1/5.
4.) Wade Barrett vs. Ezekiel Jackson, Intercontinental Title Match: This match was just fucking horrible. These two have had shit matches throughout their entire series, so why continue to book it? Seriously, this was the slowest match I'd seen to date, and 'Zeke walks out with the IC Title that no one fucking cares about anymore. To quote the Scout from Team Fortress 2: "You. Are. TERRIBLE." 0.5/5.
5.) CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio: FINALLY, something fucking good. CM Punk cuts a pretty good promo, but sadly, during Rey's AND Punk's intros, NO ONE MAKES A SOUND. Really? It's Rey Rey, even the KIDS get up on their feet for him. Nope, not here. However, thankfully, this is the best match of the night, these two ALWAYS have a great match. STILL not as good as their WM26 match or the rest of the matches in THAT series, but still very good. Punk wins with a 619 counter that I actually was NEVER expecting to see into the GTS. Lots of times in this match where I thought Punk would lose, this was a VERY well delivered match. 3/5.
6.) Randy Orton vs. Christian, World Heavyweight Championship Match: This match was sloooooooow. Now, I don't know if that's because Orton was being legitimately careful, and if he was, who can blame him? Fucker's got a concussion. But also, the match has been overdone already, the people don't care, and ALL of Christian's momentum is now gone. Very slow paced match, but at LEAST the two men were wrestling, but still... it just didn't come off good at all. Randy Orton wins, AGAIN... but Christian's foot is under the rope. They're gonna DRAG this feud on, and the payoff will NOT be worth them taking the title off of Christian. So all those people that said "Oh stop bashing WWE and Orton for taking the title off of Christian, it's gonna lead to something better..." You can go fuck yourselves. This is utter shit. 1.5/5.
7.) Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne: Bonus match! Unfortunately, no one cared, and sadly... after the REST of this shitty pay per view, neither did I. Decent match, I guess. 1.5/5.
8.) John Cena vs. R-Truth, WWE Championship Match: This was THE SLOWEST MATCH I'VE EVER WITNESSED. Seriously, this was slower than a match between Andre the Giant and Big John Studd. This was slower than Hercules vs. The Ultimate Warrior. THIS WAS SLOWER THAN WADE BARRETT VS. EZEKIEL JACKSON! NO ONE cared about this match, R-Truth is just swept under the fucking carpet, John Cena wins with SIX moves instead of five this time, and the ending is the worst part of this fucking match. Cena gets the DOG SHIT kicked out of him, man. He's fuckin' DONE. Truth then goes out and grabs a "Little Jimmy"'s hat and drink. He drinks the water and hands it back to the "Little Jimmy", who then throws the water in his face. Cena then revitalizes because it's fucking Super-Water I guess, then hits the F-U for the 1-2-3. STUPID ending, TERRIBLE booking, SLOW-AS-FUCK match, just utterly fucking terrible. This has GOT to be the worst match I've seen this year. THIS IS WORSE THAN STING VS. JEFF HARDY. 0/5!
Overall: 3/10. The ONLY REASON this show gets on my radar is because of the US Title match, and because of Punk and Mysterio. WWE, you REALLY fuckin' bombed Washington DC on this one. Joke completely intended. This is the 2nd worst ppv of the entire year, only Victory Road 2011 was worse. It seems that all the "patriotic" pay per views since The Great American Bash died off have just fucking sucked. Seriously. This is just a fucking horrible pay per view on so many levels, and I'm GLAD that I didn't pay for it. I'm a HARDCORE wrestling fan, and have been watching WWE for 22 years, and I SERIOUSLY WANT MY FUCKING TIME BACK. I could've been doing ANYTHING, but I chose to waste my fucking time with this terrible, dog shit filled, BELOW lackluster, CZW-level show of disastrously low proportions. WWE, you fail. You fail BIG TIME. Slammiversary was FIVE-STAR SHOW COMPARED TO CAPITOL PUNISHMENT! WATCHING THIS PAY PER VIEW SHOULD BE A FORM OF CAPITAL PUNISHMENT, MOTHERFUCKERS! I AM OUT.
Best Match: CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
Worst Match: Pick one. I picked the WWE Title match, but ALL of them sucked.
Loudest sound: None. Seriously.
Quietest moment: The three hours this pay per view lasted.